12 Day of Christmas in Hickery Holler

Christmas is again almost upon us. The shopping is done and the presents are wrapped and waiting under the tree. We woke up this morning and let out Sadie The Wonder Pup only to see her several minutes later dragging the extension chord from the christmas lights through the front yard or what is left of it. Thank God it was not plugged in! The temperatures are dropping and a snow storm is moving in. We are under a winter storm warning. O Wise One has pulled up all his traps until after the storm and we are hunkering down for the Holidays. This will be my last post until after the holiday so that I can spend time with my family. 

This is a letter that O Wise One and I wrote many years ago for Christmas to KC Scout. He is the hunter that comes from the City to hunt in Hickery Holler every year. KC Scout originally gave my husband the name O Wise One over a decade ago. O Wise One promptly named him KC Scout because he was always scouting and never killing game. These two men have known each other for over 50 years and their families are from the same small town.

I am reprinting it to share with you all with a heartfelt wish for a wonderful and safe holiday season.

TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
IN HICKERY HOLLER

Day 1
Dear KC Scout:
Thanks for the white turkey in the locust tree. Got a flat on my four- wheeler trying to get it out. Fixed turkey last night, with fried potatoes and onions. Couldn’t convince the game warden that it wasn’t a Snow Goose. Trial pending!!

“ O Wise One”

Day 2
Dear KC
Thanks for them 2 turtledoves. Didn’t go very far! “Little Wise One’ ate them all by herself, she thought you were kind of selfish just sending enough for her. Game Warden dropped by and I got a ticket for receiving untagged birds and another one for that 5 pounds of corn you accidentally dropped back by the little pond.

Trial pending.

“ O Wise One”

(Little Wise One aka...Baby Oops )

Day 3
Dear KC
Send smoked pork chops! Little wise one tired of eating all these #@*% birds. Guineas killed them fancy French chickens all except the one “Mama Wise One” made with awful good dumplings. Game Warden trying to pen me with illegal cock fights.

Trial pending!

“O Wise One”

( Mama Wise One aka Canned Quilter)

Day 4
Dear KC
I told you no more XXXX birds. Them 4 coots made so much noise that the chickens quit laying and Cricket hasn’t been home since. 101 club had to cancel a party because so much noise they couldn’t hear music. They are talking about suing for either noise pollution or public nuisance. Rang the coots necks and used them in my coon traps. Game warden says coots not in season and traps weren’t properly tagged.

Trial Pending.

“O Wise One”

(Cricket was our dog we had then...the 101 Club are the flock of turkeys that took to roosting in KC Scout's deer stand off season)

Day 5
Dear KC
Finally sent something useful, bout danged time. Hocked them 5 gold rings and put down payment on good lawyer. Enough left over to buy 30 pack for 101 club. Pawn shop ran check on rings and came back stolen. State police were notified and came by to question me. 101 Club had already drank the thirty pack plus some more. Fight soon broke out and half the 101 Club now in jail, charges rank from excepting stolen goods, drunk and disorderly, obstructing an officer, hitting an officer and giving alcohol to underage turkeys.

Trial pending!

“ O Wise One”

Day 6
Dear KC
Back to the birds huh? Poor Molly is scared to death of them geese. Tried to chase them and they pecked the fur off her so bad that now she looks like old possum. Was going to stuff one with sausage dressing for Christmas but all geese were confiscated. Game warden says season closed on goose yesterday. 101 Club filed counter suit saying everyone should be able to kill them silly geese any time they want to.

Trial pending.

“ O Wise One”

(Molly was another dog we had then)

Day 7
Dear KC
Mrs. Wise One is going to ring your neck next time she sees you. Seven swans swimming in bathtub didn’t make for a very good smell. Seems Mrs. Wise one is getting too many bruises from being pecked every time she goes in the bath room, besides that you have increased my Susie homemaker jobs by about fifty percent. Turned geese loose on pond to swim and “O Foolish brother-in-law from Louisiana” thought they were snow geese and shot them. Game warden said endangered species and hunting without license. Checking on laws about letting people hunt on property with no sense.

Trial pending!

“O Wise One”

Day 8
Dear KC
Truck had to make three trips to deliver them 8 maids a milking and their cows. Them stupid milkmaids are all in intensive care. Next time send cows and not bulls!!! Maids are talking reckless endangerment. Charges filed by neighbor for cattle rustling.

Trial Pending!

“O Wise One”

Day 9
Dear KC
Had to borrow cousin's truck to transport them fools you call lords a leaping. Soon as they got here they wanted a beer break with pretzels. “Mrs. Wise One” said “ La-di- da”  and toast or nothing. My Gosh what am I gonna feed all these bozo’s. Too snooty for fried deer and them darn cows are eating mama’s apple trees. I am now sleeping in the auxiliary house, which just so happens is the same place that the chickens sleep. 101 Club has found out where I was sleeping, and been having a party every night. The Old Gobblers have been having a heck of a time with them old promiscuous hens. It’s hard to get to sleep with the 101 club playing music all night. Noise and mess are about to drive me insane. Humane Society filed charges for contributing to the delinquency of underage chickens and turkeys. Fire Marshall issued citation for exceeding the building capacity.

Trial Pending

“O Wise One”

Day 10
Dear KC
What are you trying to do to me man? Mama said today them 10 half naked floozies from Kansas City showed up. Called themselves Ladies dancing. “Mrs. Wise One” said they didn’t act very much like ladies in front of them so called “Lords”. They almost left when one of them leaping lords almost got hit by one of them Kamikaze deer. Had to butcher 2 cows to feed them all.

“O Wise One”

Day 11

Dear KC
Your 11 pipers arrived today from the House Of Blues. Don’t think any of them could carry a tune even if they had one in a paper bag. Really hit the spot with “Mrs. Wise One”. She’s been primping and prancing around all day humming and singing. Don’t have any time to do any hunting, Susie homemaker jobs like laundry and mopping taking all my time. What’s wrong with this picture? Mama fixed stuffed goose and beef stew and had a party. 101 Club is having a great time dancing with the floozies. All the neighbors complaining as it seems their wives are developing an ear for piping. State police stopped by as it seems they patrol by here on a regular basis now. No tickets issued.

Trial still pending

“ O Wise One”

Day 12
Dear KC
Sorry to tell you I am no longer on the farm but am now on the run. You no longer have the Leaning Tower of Hale, hope you are happy. After the party I spent the night with Marie the Head floozy. Mama found out and is no longer “Mrs. Wise One” as she has now married the lawyer. They decided to open a tavern and hunting club with the 101 Club on the hill. The 101 Club has them floozies, pardon me, ladies dancing making $20 a table dance and the hopping lords are bartenders and valet parkers for the 4 wheelers. Since the maids don’t have no more cows to milk Mrs Wise One (now Mrs. Lawyer)  put them to work cleaning houses. The steers, I mean cows, are now the main course on Friday night Steak Night.

The Game Warden quit his job and is now employed full time by the 101 Club as park ranger. State Police also quit their jobs and are now employed by the rich lawyer and “Mrs. Wiser One” for security at the tavern and hunting club. The main attraction is them 11 pipers doing exotic dancing on Ladies Night. The 101 will send you an application to hunt. You can no longer shoot within 100 yards of the former Leaning Tower of Hale. (Leaning Tower of Hale is the name of KC Scout's Deer Stand) Can’t carry more than three shells and never one in the chamber. No shooting deer allowed at least the first day, just scouting. No Riding Four Wheelers to stand since 101 Club now sleeps in late. The blood sucking lawyer and “Mrs. Wiser One” has confiscated both your chair and heater.

Will write later as I am now checking out the hunting in Mexico!

Merry Christmas to All

“O Wise One” “Mrs. Wiser One”

“Little Wise One”